


Maybe Tonight

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Conflicted Kylo Ren, Dreamsharing, Evil Snoke, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, M/M, Protective Kylo Ren, Protective Poe Dameron, Snoke Being a Dick, Soft Kylo Ren, Some Fluff, The Force Ships It, in a weird way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 20:29:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16103225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: They can see each other in sleep, if nothing else.





	Maybe Tonight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MidgardianNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: For MidgardianNerd, who wasn’t quite feeling well. Hopefully you feel better! Title taken from Evanescence’s “Before the Dawn”.

It’s sometime after Yavin that Kylo sees Poe in his dreams for the first time. There’s something about it that’s comforting, familiar, even despite the pain that it brings. Just seeing Poe’s face again is bittersweet at most; Kylo never thought that he’d see him again. Judging from Poe’s reaction, he didn’t think so either. “Ben...stars, I didn’t think I’d ever see you again...”

Kylo can’t help but feel a certain pain in his heart even hearing those words. He doesn’t deserve that level of joy that Poe’s giving him, none of it. Not after what he’s done. 

“Ben Solo is gone,” he can’t help but say. 

“But you’re here. I don’t understand.”

Of course he doesn’t. Kylo wishes he hadn’t said anything, hadn’t just extinguished the joy from his face. Poe is such a fundamentally bright presence; putting out his light is unthinkable. Still, he owes Poe the truth. Kylo Ren is no liar, after all. “I’m a monster, Poe. The sort of monster that Resistance beings would try and kill on sight. I am...” He forces air into his lungs; it’s funny how even in a dream he feels like he’s drowning on dry land. “I am Kylo Ren.”

”It can’t be.” The look of grief and betrayal on Kylo’s face almost makes Kylo wish that he had played along with being Ben Solo. Indulged Poe’s fantasy, that Ben had come home. “You did this; you monster...”

”Yes, I am.” It hurts even saying it. 

“Why, Ben? Why you, of all beings?”

Ben tells him. Tells him everything. He owes Poe that much. He especially explains why he had to leave Poe behind — to keep Poe safe. To keep his light safe. 

Poe swallows. He looks stunned. “You could have come with me.”

”I had to train,” Kylo says. “And Snoke...he promised his protection.”

”So I wasn’t enough?”

”No, it’s not like that at all!” Damn his inability to find the right word. “Poe...you’re more than enough. You’re everything. I was afraid.”

“I could have protected you.”

”I know that now.” And maybe they could have both been happy. Maybe. 

***

The next time they meet, Poe’s more than a bit skeptical. “You could just be a figment of my imagination,” he says. “Wishful thinking.”

”I doubt even the best imagination could make something like that up.” Kylo says. “You can take my word for it that it’s very much real...as real as dreams can be.”

Poe swallows. “I guess you’ll be gone in the morning anyway.”

”Yes. But I’ll always come back to you.” Kylo hesitates to say “home”. In between the Supreme Leader’s cruelty and his own inner conflict, the sort that won’t stop coming, bothering him long into his dreams, he doesn’t know if this strange sanctuary their brains have conjured up is really home. 

***

“You’re not paying attention, apprentice.”

Snoke’s rebuke cuts. Mostly because it’s true, and Kylo really should be better. 

“I’m sorry, Supreme Leader.”

Snoke scoffs. “Far from good enough. No wonder your Master despised you. You couldn’t beat a gizka in a fair fight.”

Kylo charged at him. It’s impulsive, he wants to make Snoke pay for what he’s said, make him wrong —

The Praetorian Guards draw their blades just in time for Snoke to blast Kylo with Force Lightning. The pain shoots through Kylo’s body, electricity, agony — and then it stops. 

Kylo looks up at Snoke, and he finds himself hating the creature, hating the Supreme Leader, and feeling helpless to do anything about it. 

“Is that the best you’ve got, Kylo Ren?” Snoke says. “Pathetic.”

And Kylo knows it’s true. 

***

Sleep becomes Kylo’s only solace; the waking world is unbearable. He never thought he would look forward to going to sleep, but Poe is the best solace he has. He keeps him locked away from Snoke; Snoke may be a good mind-reader but he’s not all-knowing. Knowing that Snoke has flaws...that’s comfort enough. 

“You don’t have to put up with that,” Poe says after another one of Snoke’s punishments. 

“I do.”

”No, you don’t. Nobody deserves that.”

”It’s too late.”

”Not really. I mean,” Poe says, “Your grandfather wasn’t beyond redemption. And he was a monster.”

Kylo winces at that. There’s two reasons — one being Snoke’s teachings that Luke Skywalker murdered his father (which is unsurprising to Kylo considering what a monster Luke is), and the other being that Kylo is worse than Vader. He knows it, in his bones. 

“You haven’t seen what I’ve done,” he says. 

“I know what you’ve done. And I...” Poe bites his lip. “I love you. I never stopped. Even after all this time. I know there’s a part of you that isn’t lost forever, a part that still believes in goodness, in truth and heroism. I know you still believe that, Ben.”

”I am a monster,” Kylo argues. 

“Not completely. I know it.” And Kylo knows he wants to believe, he truly does. 

***

They meet in dreams. Poe doesn’t tell him about where the Resistance Base is (and Kylo doubts he wants to exploit one of the few good things he has for that) but he tells Kylo about the people, about the details, and Kylo tells him some details. The food, the training. Poe insists he deserves better. 

“You know, if I had the ability, I’d give you silk sheets and actual food. Just saying,” Poe says. 

Kylo smiles. “The same for you,” he says. Maybe they can come up with that idea together, next time they meet. 

***

He has to leave. He can’t bear doing this any more, longing and yearning and hurting. Doing what he does for Snoke. He just can’t. He has to go. Snoke will kill him if he tries, but he has to...has to...

***

Leaving isn’t easy, but in the end, Kylo has his limits. He takes the Knights of Ren, who are more than willing to follow him, and leaves — casting his helmet aside as one last act of defiance. You had me, it tells Snoke, but not anymore. 

Poe shows up in his dreams that night. “You were so brave,” he tells Kylo when Kylo tells him what happened. 

“I don’t feel brave,” Kylo says. 

“You are,” Poe says. “More than you know.”

***

Traveling across the galaxy is far from easy. It’s not one of those things where it seems like a straight line. It involves a lot of inferring and  listening in. Without Snoke too, Kylo Ren can’t help but feel adrift, almost like a man lost amidst the waves of a stormy sea. It’s getting hard to tread water, and it’s mostly Poe keeping him from drowning. Just seeing him in his sleep, when sleep does take him. Kylo asks him questions about what life is like where he is, and Poe tells him bits and pieces of it. Tells him about the people there. Tells him about the food that seems to have come from the bowels of the Corellian hells, about clouds that look like X-wings. Things like that. Kylo can comfort himself that he doesn’t have to just see Poe while he sleeps now; he can travel across the galaxy to see him. They can see each other again. They can be, truly, happy. 

He hopes. Even as he wakes, he wonders if others at the Resistance Base will be as happy to see him. It doesn’t make a difference that he freed himself from Snoke’s control. It’s not a magic eraser that can get rid of everything he’s been through and everything he’s done. He’s worse than Vader ever was — Vader was redeemable. He’s not. He’s just a monster. The sort of monster that men would shoot on sight...

When he brings it up to Poe in one of his dreams, Poe says, “There’s not a thing you could have done that could make me love you less.”

”But I’ve done so much. I am a monster, Poe...”

”Huh. You don’t look it.”

”Poe.” Damn him. Kylo loves him, but he just doesn’t get it, does he? “You don’t understand, do you? My grandfather was redeemable. He had his love for his son, though stars knows why he loved him.”

”You don’t think what we have means anything?”

”No, it’s just...” Kylo sighs. “I’m not redeemable. There’s nothing about me that isn’t somehow tainted.”

”You don’t think the fact you defied Snoke means anything?”

Kylo shakes his head. “I’m not strong.”

”Yes, you are. Don’t you ever say that about yourself. You’re strong, and I believe in you, and I love you. I always have."

Poe’s words linger in Kylo’s ears long after he wakes up. 

***

The Knights of Ren come out of hyperspace over D’Qar, and a shuttle lands on D’Qar. Kylo prepares to have to ward off blaster bolts and angry mobs (every monster has to have a mob, right?) but when he gets out of the shuttle, hardly anyone bats an eyelash. Stars, it’s a little scary, being without his mask; he has his face, and Kylo’s so used to being a symbol that the galaxy dreads, not a man. 

He scans the crowd for Poe, chest clenching with anxiety. Where is Poe? He should be here by now. He needs him. 

“Ben!”

Poe’s voice, calling to him through the sea of other beings. Poe gently eases his way through, occasionally excusing himself in that moment, and Kylo feels his throat get tight. He’s as beautiful as Kylo remembers from his dreams. Except now, he can actually see him, while he’s awake, and...

Poe reaches him in that moment, and his whole face is radiant with joy. Kylo doesn’t know what he did to warrant such a welcome, but he knows he’ll never get tired of it, for the rest of their lives. They still have to fight Snoke, of course, but even so, it’s nothing that can’t be done without the other. 

And the healing’s just begun. 

Poe draws him in close, tightly, and Kylo knows that finally, he’s come home to where he belongs. 


End file.
